There are songs that have made a huge impact on me at very specific times in my life. Some I don't want to listen to because they remind me of a painful time. Others bring such joy and awe of the things God has done. I love worship music. That is all I listen to. Not because I am super spiritual but because it ministers to my soul in a way that nothing else does.
The song that has been on repeat the past 3 months is by Bethel called the Goodness of God. Maybe you know it. It talks about how God holds us in His hands. How He has always been faithful. So with all our breathe we will sing of His goodness.
I remember the first time I heard it. I was angry. I tried for months to reconcile some things I couldn't. I was in the middle of a worship service and I was crying my eyes out. As a pastor's wife you are always nervous when that happens. You don't want anyone to see that. Or maybe you hope that just the right person sees and cares for you. So I was listening to the words "I love your voice. You have led me through the fire. In darkest night you are close like no other". I was broken. I knew He was with me in my hurt.
Then came the part that changed my heart. "Your goodness is running after me. With my life laid down, I'm surrendered now. I give you everything. Your goodness is running after, it is running after me." Wow. I knew I might not be able to reconcile what happened. But I could surrender it. I couldn't make sense of things that took place, but I could trust God that HE was in control. Surrender doesn't mean "let it go" or "move on". NOPE. It means that you lay it down to God. That you yield to Him alone. It is a trust. God spoke to my heart to surrender what happened in the past and to surrender to His will for our future. I couldn't walk into what He had for us in victory without laying down the past. I couldn't see the good things that He had without surrendering.
Oh the freedom I felt. It was like a heavy weight off my shoulders. It didn't take away all of my pain and there are still things I work through. But it was a defining moment in this journey I have been on of healing. I was trying in my own flesh to "let things go". Surrendering was a spiritual act for me. One that brought freedom.
Listen to the song. Let it surround you.
What song has ministered to you lately? Please share. I would love to listen.
Psalm 31: 19-20
19. How abundant are the good things
that you have stored up for those who fear you,
that you bestow in the sight of all,
on those who take refuge in you.
20. In the shelter of your presence you hide them from all human intrigues; you keep them safe in your dwelling from accusing tongues.